Why Should You Read Troilus and Cressida?

Because Cressida Will Show You How to Get Some, Duh!

I have been working on a paper for my Shakespeare class all day, and thus far I have 0 pages and 0 words. No surprises there! I've decided to write on Troilus and Cressida, which is probably one of my favorite plays by Mister Shake'speare. Most people don't really dig it's supposed lack of continuity (If you haven't read it, it's essentially two unrelated plots tied together in one play. On the one hand, there's the plot concerning the Trojan war and the politics of the Trojan state. On the other hand, there's the plot that delves into the title characters' love affair.) I love it, though. It has some amazing, philosophical speeches and some pretty modern takes on sexual politics. On top of that, the play has Cressida: my new role model. Maybe that's going too far, but she's basically just this witty flirt (albeit rather objectified). And in her short stage time, she's able to coyly and cunningly mess with the romantically mislead Troilus; fend off some gross, vulgar Greek soldiers who are her physical superiors with purely her sarcasm; and align Diomedes' interests with her own well-being with the aid of nothing but her Super Hero Sexuality. She's smart and sexy and thereby as powerful as a woman could ever hope to be in an Elizabethan play. (Note: This is, of course, just how I perceive The Ever Cold, The Ever Calculating, The Ever Witty, The Ever Beautiful Cressida ) Is she not awesome? Some people might call her a whore (and they do both in the play and critically), but I think she just rules. While she does "cheat" on Troilus, she had to. She was playing a game. No, she was controlling the game. And so what if she made a few boys cry along the way? Not her problem; they just need to grow some. Basically I think she's the shit, and you should read Troilus and Cressida to witness the shit. The woman has no illusions, or at least no particularly lethal ones. She's no Juliet, but who would want to be? Juliet killed herself over a guy. I mean come on: she decided love or whatever was more valuable than her life.  That's just lame. Cressida would've been like, "Oh, Romeo! That sucks you're dead, but good things don't last forever. Let's be real, here. I'm a kid! I probably won't even like you in two weeks. Is it nine already? I have a date with your best friend." Why do they give fourteen-year-olds that play anyways? Dumb. 

Now I just need to write this paper...What would Cressida do?